25 Comments
User's avatar
Past Marked Prospects's avatar

This is what I love. A genuine voice. Any reader can identify with a genuine voice. I heard it. Loved the brevity of sentences. Stunning in a stripped back way.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Wow. Thanks. Authenticity is always the goal.

Maxwell Boyd's avatar

A short powerful piece. Good details with a solid voice. Gave me chills.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. I love chills, both giving and receiving.

Karlyn's avatar

That last sentence. I have chills.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. I did too.

Lars of Mars's avatar

Malaise... Outstanding use my friend. This hits home on all aspects. Well done!

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. It showed up in my head so strongly I set aside another story to get it out there. Glad I did.

Keith Shamma's avatar

It was a great read brother. Some crazy twists in a short story. I am still emotionally upset by the Dad whooping on his kid after being called out, as it bought on flashbacks to my youth. With that being said, the emotional connection was real AF.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

I’ve got another story almost done. I think it will be a Grand Prix track compared to this one.

lou J's avatar

Man I LOVE this character, want him in my life. Thanks for introducing us. We’ll be hanging out quite a bit now that he’s lodged into my mind.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks Lou! I like him too

Patty Mallett's avatar

Damn, Doom.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

That sounds good. Not a wow, a damn.

Judith Ashcraft's avatar

That last line really hit me. That last line pulled this whole thing together and turned a few snippets from a man's life into something much bigger and heavier. Beautifully done.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thank you. Thanks for sticking around until the end of it.

Matt's avatar

Fuck yes, brother.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Fuck yes is tied with Wow for my favorite short comments.

Matt's avatar

Wow

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Hahahahahahaha

Tamara Feldman's avatar

Oooh!! I got goosebumps at the end! He was safe! Ugh

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. That part was not predetermined. I got goosebumps too.

Michael J. Shoel's avatar

This piece documents the lifelong lightning speed connections between images and memories of youth to adulthood. Kids sports situations are filled with good stories. This is a great one.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thank you. My friends and I joke about drunks and coke heads ( often our former selves) rambling about Little League, but that really illustrates how strong the memories are.

Patris's avatar

No one introduces those we see as real life human beings like you do,J.