Lifting the Screen

Telling, Asking

I never wanted to be gullible.

Gullible was the only thing that scared me, if that makes sense.

Maybe it doesn’t, I gave up trying to make sense of things young.

Billy Ribilissi believed in UFOs. I kinda did too, but Billy was all wide eyed and loud and gullible about it.

Billy’s sister Bailey was the prettiest girl in Uncton Lake, probably the prettiest girl in Mitsauk County, though I never made it to Daly Springs. Heard there was pretty girls at the horse track. 

Anyway it don’t matter, she was just beyond pretty to me so I made friends with Billy even though he was super gullible

Helped him make spaceship models and stuff, activities that was for little kids, not 14 year olds,

I got to know Bailey a little bit, not good enough to get invited to her birthday party, but

Bailey got a kitten for her birthday.

Kitten liked to come in Billy’s room and stare at the flying saucer models dangling from fishing line taped to the ceiling. I liked that because Bailey would come in to retrieve the kitten and I would say hi and try to be polite.

One day, when I was learning how to drop a transmission over at Calliman’s, Bailey’s kitten got out of Billy’s window, jumped from their roof to their oak tree.

When I was done I walked over to Ribilissi’s house and Bailey was losing her mind about her kitten while Billy was just standing there like a dumbass.

Dr. Fyett, I know I might be digressing or whatnot, but you asked me to write about the root of my “issues” like you call them, and I’m trying to make sense of it in my own head while I’m writing. I hope that’s okay. 

Anyway, I climbed the tree and got Bailey’s cat and she hugged me and that was the best feeling I ever felt up to that point.

We already talked about a lack of parental affection and, well, all that stuff that makes me embarrassed. Anyway Bailey hugged me and I had no idea how to get her to hug me again.

And that’s all I could think about.

I mean Cooper Calliman is sitting there in Bay 3 telling me about removing the electrical connection from the solenoid, and I’m off in lala land thinking about getting Bailey to hug me without just straight up saying Bailey will you hug me, which just seemed stupid.

So I got the idea to tell Billy I thought I saw a UFO, and Billy was gullible, like I said, so he yanks open the screen and sure enough Bailey’s kitten Elroy got out again and into the tree,

So I say “Don’t worry Bailey” and climb up the tree, which I liked climbing anyway, but I got an extra incentive now.

And I get Elroy and Bailey hugs me and she smells like some kinda flower I couldn’t possibly know the name of but it’s beautiful.

So I did the same thing a few weeks later, except this time it went wrong. Billy didn’t open the screen, because I guess Bailey punched him in the face for the last time, but he was too embarrassed to tell me that and so I gave it a little lift, you know, because I just wanted a hug and I didn’t know how to get it elsewise  and Bailey saw me and this time the kitten was bigger and it just took off down the damn tree and out across the street. 

Bailey was hollering at me and the cat and slapping me and I didn’t go down the stairs I went out onto the roof and hangdropped so I could get Elroy and he was in the Zucker’s yard except a squirrel spooked him and he ran back across the street and fuck if he didn’t get hit by a UPS truck.

Bailey was the saddest and angriest, and she screamed at me and when I realized I was getting no hugs anymore and I couldn’t be any kinda hero and I damn well knew it was my fault but I had to play it off because I couldn’t accept that I was responsible, but I was, and I know that now, and that’s basically when I just stopped caring.It wasn’t just Bailey, but that was mostly it and then I got kicked off Freshmen football for not hustling and even you probably know how serious they take football in Uncton Lake and I never did get the hang of dropping a transmission and add that all up and I just said fuck it and did some ( a bunch ) of dumb things that I’m ashamed of and remorseful for and I understand that now, especially that tragic incident with Misters Brockman and Sayeed for which I take full responsibility, but that was 28 years and sixteen days ago, and I am not afraid of being gullible any more, I don’t think, and I hope this is the type of response you were looking for and I hope, Dr. Fyett that you will help me convince the parole board that I’m worthy of a second chance.

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