Since Aug 4th, all my stories have been available free of charge courtesy of the fine ambassadors at Detroit History Tours. If you’re ever in the Detroit area, I hope you see some of my city with them. They have a variety of options and some very entertaining guides.
***
Theodore Mulitz’s best acting job was probably his everyday portrayal of an average man.
He went to work, he was pleasant, he voted in union elections, he punched out, he went home.
If asked about his hobbies, he’d answer “I like crossword puzzles and I write a little bit.”
No one at Brigston Fabricating would have known he had been married three times, but he had.
To his high school sweetheartJoy, before he joined the army, because she was so damn scared he’d die in the Persian Gulf.
He didn’t die there, because he didn’t even get sent there, and after a few years they decided that prom night infatuation is a far cry from til death do us part. They parted, alive.
Theodore got a job with the Forest Service and married a fellow ranger, some of the happiest years of his life, outside of Missoula, nature, long talks, philosophy, until Rebecca inherited her family’s plastic manufacturing operation. Theodore was not going to move to Gary, Indiana, to make beer cups.
When Montana became too lonely,he moved back to Ohio and reluctantly downloaded a dating app.
There he met Gillian, who might have had a pill problem until, oh shit, she definitely had a pill problem.
Theodore was supportive and got her into the best treatment programs he could, where she bounced in, and bounced out until she found a peer counselor who worked magic. She put together months of sobriety with the help of the counselor.
Unfortunately some of those months were spent in the counselor’s bed, so Gillian apologetically left Theodore, and their houseplants, and a pile of bills.
Theodore was never an average average man, but he played the part well, very well, and he continued about his life, taking a job at Brigston, working some crosswords…and a little bit of writing.
If one had looked closely at Theodore they might have noticed a little more gray than usual, that he punched in late twice in one month, and his crow’s feet had started to tap dance more deeply.
But Theodore went unnoticed, until he showed up in the breakroom one day with small, glossy flyers.
“I’d like you all to come to my play,” he told everyone.”It would mean a lot to me.”
“You’re in a play, Theodore?” A few people said it at once, overlapping, with varying inflections of cynicism and a mild shock.
“I didn’t know you were an actor, Theodore,” Kristina Gilzman said, more interested in Theodore in that moment than she ever had been previously.
“I…I’m not really. But the play is my life story.”
It was like noticing the priest performing a wedding ceremony was drunk.
No one says a word, but everyone is juggling uncomfortable and amused.
After that short but thick silence of glances and lip bites, Howie Nanderman said “Working at Brigston makes you MacBeth or something, Theodore?
“Come see the play, Howie. I think you might like it.”
“Whatzit about, Theo?” Art from Maintenance asked.
“My life, my thoughts, my loves,” Theodore answered.
Kristina whipped the plastic from her microwave cheeseburger in the trash and turned back to Theodore.
“If you would have asked me, Theo. I would have played one of your loves.”
“It was so difficult to cast my ex-wives, ultimately I talked them into and bribed them to play themselves.”
Bing Jeffries looked at Theodore like he had just grown a third arm, right in front of them.
“How in the hell you manage that, Theo?”
Theo breathed in break room microwave air and said “ A few airplane tickets, a lot of money, and a whole lot of rewrites.”
About half of first shift at Brigston went to the VFW Hall to see Theodore’s play.
By all accounts, it wasn’t very good.
But at the end, Theodore and all three of his ex wives took a bow, holding hands.
And thereafter at Brigston and beyond Theodore Mulitz, not an entirely average average man, was known as The Miracle Worker.
***
Funny how a little Stardust changes things...
The line about the drunk priest at the wedding. Perfect.