Tree Blind
Fiction
It was a pot luck menu that ended it. A goddamned digital list on a group chat.
Nick Glikkholm alphabetized it by hunter.
Of course he did, anal, organized psycho.
Bryan Addicker leaned back in his chair that wasn’t supposed to lean.
Twenty-four years of hunting blown to shit because Nick Glikkholm invited Zach Gorman.
Zach was bringing shit to make walking tacos.
Fuck walking tacos.
Fuck Zach Gorman.
Fuck Nick Glikkholm, Nikki Glixx, for alphabetizing the list.
Bryan almost missed that Zach Gorman, for the first time ever, was coming on their hunting trip.
Weird.
Not weird, Bryan thought.
Very, very calculated.
Bryan knew he couldn’t no-show.
He knew he had to make an excuse and the excuse couldn’t be the sniffles or hockey tickets or work obligation.
It was Alberta.
The world’s most beautiful cabin on a 4D wilderness postcard slideshow, with an unending supply of Canadian whiskey, private land, Nikki Glixx’s grandfather’s property.
Shangri-La.
Heaven.
Every other asshole at Jentner Industries would be bragging about their 6 point buck, Bryan Addicker could smile and say “I got a moose.”
And by tradition everyone would bring something for one meal.
Zach Gorman, who had never come before, was bringing walking tacos.
Wonder if that was Ava Gorman’s idea.
Probably not a good idea to call her and ask.
Bryan went back and scrolled Zach’s texts.
They were easy to find. He wasn’t close with Zach, so his number wasn’t saved.
Just digits.
The texts often started with “Look, Motherfucker…”
No, Zach, no, you and Ava don’t have kids.
Bryan texted Nick.
He really wanted to type “Thanks for inviting a guy who wants to kill me to our hunting trip, you dumbfuck.”
Instead he typed Got popped for a DUI last night on Greenbriar. Totally screwed. Blew a 2.4. Just got home. Lawyer says I can’t leave the state, Canada will turn me away at the border.”
Nick typed back immediately Holy noway broseph sucks beyond belief hard hard suck!!!
Bryan poured himself a Bush Pilot, his first drink in days.
Eventually Nick would catch him in the lie or he’d just admit it or the Gormans would get divorced and he’d start dating Ava, really dating her and he could tell Nick the truth.
But he wasn’t about to be in the woods with an enraged Zach Gorman and pallets full of ammo. It would be a terrible life choice. Might be an end of life choice.
The group chat pinged again and Bryan muted it. He couldn’t take it.
***
Nick and Jack Olsen both posted aerial shots of Alberta from their flight on their Facebook pages within seconds of each other.
Bryan texted Ava.
Wanna mt me in the lot behind Stoudler’s?
Bryan waited. He should have canceled his vacation week, just gone to work.
He poured another Bush Pilot.
Fuck work.
He reached and flipped through Big Trophy magazine.
Picked it up every year before the trip.
Pulled his Dad’s Zippo off the frame of his USMC picture and lit the magazine on fire.
When it really started to burn he dropped it on the coffee table, opened the side window and burned his hand throwing it out.
Should have just gotten water or something.
Should have just gone on the trip and confronted Zach at Lethbridge Airport.
What would he say?
Fifty two minutes after he texted Ava texted back.
Just come here. Back door. No Ring camera.
Bryan looked at the half finished fifth of Bush Pilot.
Wouldn’t it be ironic to get a DUI after lying about a DUI?
He combed his hair, ate about fourteen Altoids and walked out the door.
***
Nikki Glixx greeted his guests on the deck of his grandfather’s cabin, October air biting the tip of his nose.
“Freddy Fitz, year 24, highest seniority and first alphabetically, you get the big room in the Southwest all by yourself. Congratulations, Fitzy.
Dave Hanry, year 22 at the Greatest Hunting Adventure on Earth, Hammerin Hanry you get the smaller room on the south side all to your lonesome.”
Marty Wert yelled “Adderall is gonna be pissed.”
Nick Glikkholm looked up.
“Bryan Addaboy had to cancel. Personal issue between him and the Macomb County Sheriff’s Department. We’re also missing potential first timer and my brother-in-law, Zach Gorman, who, inexplicably canceled at the very last minute.”
***
Ava Gorman fidgeted.The ball gag was making her jaw hurt. Sex games usually weren’t Zach’s thing, and she had been tied to this chair in the basement for way too long to be a good game.
If he doesn’t come back soon I’m gonna have to pee before we can have sex.
I wonder if he’s putting on a costume.
Hope it’s not a cop or a priest.
The back door opened, she felt the chill breeze.
She heard voices.
Are the landscapers here? Are we in the middle of some sex game and you’re talking to the landscapers?
I’m under no obligation to finish this little game, Zachary.
The door slammed.
She heard Zach coming down the stairs.
There was blood on his shirt and a little on his face.
I have no idea what that costume is supposed to be, but it’s the farthest thing from erotic.
***
I could use any type of support you can give me whether it’s a subscription, a “hey, I enjoyed this” tip at Venmo James-Graham-80 or sharing my work with someone who might like it.
Alfred Hitchcock’s spirit just rose up and said ‘damn’.
Oh dang!