29 Comments
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Nov 20, 2023
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Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thank you. It was a challenging one to rein in. Didn't want it to go all Lifetime melodrama on me.

User's avatar
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Nov 20, 2023
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Jimmy Doom's avatar

I don't like to telegraph em. Don't like predictability as a reader, sure don't want to create it as a writer

Patty Mallett's avatar

Good story.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks Patty. The skate imagery was in my head all day. I knew I had to use it.

Joe's avatar

That opening line was an awesome hook.

Had me going!

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Strong opener weighs more than people think. Thanks J/S

The Crazy Cat Lady Writes's avatar

You know how to tell a good tale!

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks Kim. Always trying to keep it entertaining.

Patris's avatar

It’s kind of great, this one. Not Lifetime by a mile, more mystery but not romance unless Dexter comes back to town...

Jimmy Doom's avatar

No spoilers, but I think if Dexter came back to town he'd be more antagonist than romantic lead.

Patris's avatar

I prefer that. Way more.

Lifetime would make him the head of an international tech company..At Christmas. With a puppy.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

My friend was just a lead in a Lifetime movie. I've never been prouder of an actor for delivering abysmal dialogue in the most believable, committed way possible. Every line seemed to be " how not to write" and I never would have watched it had she not been in it. It was such a good reminder to stay real.

Patris's avatar

You’re a good friend. And an honest writer.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. I think good friend is "change a flat in the rain," but "watch entire Lifetime movie" might be up there.

Patris's avatar

More painful for sure

Joe's avatar

The circle of life.

When I was young, the marsh in Yosemite Valley was drying up.

The rangers said soon it will be a meadow.

Today it is.

Maybe someday it will become a marsh again.

Who knows?

Jimmy Doom's avatar

I went to Hocking Hills years ago and a once mighty waterfall was a trickle. A very beautiful trickle, but tiny compared to what it had obviously been based on the terrain

Michael Newberry's avatar

Wow what a great story. And it was unexpected in so many ways.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks. Life always has twists and unforeseen developments, so I try to capture that.

Dd's avatar

nice story....send me a friend request on FB when you have a chance......peace....

Kate's avatar

It's wonderful. Very descriptive, makes you feel like you're right there with the characters.

Jimmy Doom's avatar

That's always my goal. Thank you.

Justin Deming's avatar

I love how you incorporate the detail about the skate in the opening line and unravel its history so tactfully in the paragraphs that follow. What a great story!

Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks Justin. I'm not very happy with Substack right now,but I'm glad I'm still putting good work out there.

Justin Deming's avatar

Totally understandable. By the way, I loved today’s story, too. Sometimes I get lazy and decide not to comment, but know this: every time that ♥️ is pressed, your readers mean it (this one, at least!).

Jimmy Doom's avatar

I love the feedback and interaction. But I can't continue to justify the effort if the platform won't fix some of the issues that have been brought to their attention. I'm doing something unprecedented, something that takes a very high degree of skill, and my compensation is less than what I would make to assistant manage a Dairy Queen