28 Comments
User's avatar
Jim Latham's avatar

I enjoyed this review so much I am going to run out and start a new life with my valuable hunting knife. After that I am going to go everywhere with helicopter.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

Helicopter almost sounds like it was inspired by The Hellacopters, or maybe I just want it to be

Expand full comment
Jim Latham's avatar

I don't know them. But I'll back your want.

Expand full comment
Steve's avatar

Music, art, literature are all subjective. Jim seems to like it, I might think it sucks. Neither opinion makes it suck or not suck. Nice response Jim, I'd have been hesitant to opine.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

I didn't want to bog it down with too much setup, but the guy sat at the bar for hours begging me to say it sucked. Normally I wouldn't even use that term. Normally I don't review music.

Expand full comment
Jim Ruland's avatar

I don't want to be the guy who tell you what you should do but you should review music.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

I didn't get sober to die with the broken neck of a T-Bird reissue buried in my spleen.

Expand full comment
Jim Ruland's avatar

We don't want that!

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

We sure don't. But I know if I did reviews on a regular basis I'd enrage somebody. I've mellowed but I still only like 30 bands and Joe Strummer and Bob Mould are in 6 of them.

Expand full comment
Brad Stabler's avatar

For a review that's supposed to tell me that a band sucks, this sucks.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

Mr. Doom understood the assignment but failed to meet the objective.

Expand full comment
Reuben Salsa's avatar

Lol...glorious. So many top lines in this review. I want to read more band reviews! Can you do gigs too?

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

You mean review live shows?

Expand full comment
Reuben Salsa's avatar

Yep. But real dives. Or divas fallen on hard times and bands made to play shithole's in the middle of nowhere while being bottled. Jimmy from the crypt of despairing musos.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

I've been pumping out the fiction daily since I swam ashore from Medium. You should dig into that.

Expand full comment
Steve's avatar

Those are some of the best gigs, actually.

Expand full comment
Jim Cummings's avatar

"Merging onto suck highway with your muffler dragging." I'm laughing my ass off. So many quotable lines in this I can't stop smiling. Thanks bruv.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

Please quote the lines. Bring more people to the party.

Expand full comment
Jim Cummings's avatar

I already told 10 people about you today dude. Keep on rocking.

Expand full comment
Joe's avatar

I was laughing hard, but when I got to "John Williams on lithium" it became hysterical.

The punnies were awesome!

'No bridge' music that has some qualities are known as 7-11 music in my circles.

Missed a note? No worries. Hit it on the next pass!

Can't figure it out? Change the key and rinse.

I miss Meatloaf. 1994 All-Star game. Best rendition ever.

Expand full comment
Sharron Bassano's avatar

Man! That last paragraph is a real knockout! Made me go back to the top and read it one more time.

Expand full comment
V. C. Ackerman's avatar

I will admit that I didn’t listen to each song all the way through, but I personally found that what I heard didn’t leave much of an impression on me. It’s not terrible despite the low quality, but it’s not amazing either. Some elements ARE nice, don’t get me wrong, but the music just kind of exists? I don’t think I’ll remember having come across this artist a day or two from now. I do have faith that they’ll improve in the future though.

Expand full comment
appleton king's avatar

if you made this up entirely alone id be carving of you an Easter Island rock Face...but if even if there is small chance of cheat involved in ANY of the song titles or fuck story in general being gifted i dont care THIS is worth reposting and crossbowing and roarstacking to death dude

so good so good (james brown)

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

It's a real demo a guy made.

He came into the bar, told me about it, I told him to send it to me and he repeatedly begged me to write a review and say it sucked.

This is my real, honest review.

Expand full comment
appleton king's avatar

no i got that many miss my contexts love it

Expand full comment
Dd's avatar

"..you seem highly capable of sucking in different genres, but just don’t... quite... pull it off. ...:" best possible review they could have hoped for......very nice.

Expand full comment
Rhea's avatar

Thank you so much for reviewing Paul's "album". He loved it and was so proud that you reviewed it and, in his eyes, it was a glowing review. I'm happy to have this as a perfect memorial to his unusual, special, unique self. I miss him.

Expand full comment
Jimmy Doom's avatar

He made an impact. This is one of the most personally rewarding things I have ever written.

Expand full comment