9 Comments
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Patris's avatar

Puzzled. But not about the writing. It’s all amazing - but that last paragraph is perfect.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

I think I made it short because I was really feeling the cold of the protagonist. If you see my Note it might make more sense

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Paul R's avatar

I once read that David Bowie used to cut snippets from magazines and create new phrases by juxtaposing words from different sources. “Funky thigh collector”, “Tigers on Vaseline”, “stream of warm impermanence” might be examples.

I had that sense reading this; the disjointed inner dialogue of someone who is not well and whose thoughts are non linear. It was a depressing read, Jimmy, but I guess the protagonist doesn’t have much to be optimistic about?

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

It’s ok to be optimistic about surviving. While they’re obviously in a bad spot, I think the low budget innovation of using unused towels as drapes shows some promise.

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ARC's avatar

The word control here is like the breath control of an opera singer. The poverty felt like some Detroit shit for sure.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thank you. That was definitely by design. I wanted it to be taut, not maudlin

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Joe's avatar

Just read a report Detroit is #2 for bad place to be with no job.

For those who wonder, Memphis is #1.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

There are jobs available here. Some people can’t obtain them because of criminal records or keep them due to addiction or mental health issues. If you’re physically and mentally capable of working you can find a job in the Detroit area. Although we have super crazy high car insurance rates and subpar public transit, so transportation can be an issue. But there are billboards touting thousands of immediate hire job opportunities.

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Joe's avatar

Whoa!

That is a speech all by itself.

They say a picture is a thousand words, but you just packed a thousand words into a hundred.

I can see exactly what this person has - and it's not much.

The towel metaphor encapsulated everything.

Well done!

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