The cannoli was frozen, she’d have bet a trip to Milan on it.
“Never been married?” he asked and she smiled the smile of ten thousand practices.
“This cannoli is more than likely frozen,” she said.
“How can you tell?” he asked.
“I was in France, a group dinner, corporate thing, and the dessert was champagne truffle mousse. My date, he was an advance man for an oil company, scouted locations or something, had once been captured by an Amazon tribe, and he traded his left thumb for freedom. It was double jointed, and he convinced them it had a mind of its own.”
“You don’t strike me as the type who would date a man who would bulldoze rainforests for oil wells.”
She straightened, smiled again. This one was different, a bit sad, more sad for this guy sitting across from her than for herself.
“I was an escort, signed to the absolute pinnacle agency out of London. I dated, quotation marks, anyone who chose me from the agency’s video catalog. The prices were severe. It was a way of screening clients. Ridiculous, ridiculous money changing hands. Anyway, speaking of changing hands, my date ate his dessert using his remaining thumb. No qualms, no embarrassment. Dug his right thumb in the mousse and shamelessly licked it off. Said he just wanted to fully appreciate what he had.”
All five of his digits drummed the table, pushing an unused soup spoon into a knife making a pleasant chime.
“So I take it you had sex with these paying clients.”
“I’m going to finish this frozen cannoli because I want to fully appreciate what I have, and remind myself not everyone has what I have.”
“Stunning beauty and wit?”
She smiled, a real smile now.
“Yes that, and permission from your wife to end this date when you asked if I was married. I work for a different kind of agency now. More affordable, more of a true service to humanity.”
“Get the fuck outta here,” he said.
She stood.
“Oh, I am, though I’m aware you were speaking rhetorically. Let me give you some advice…”
“Let me guess, be careful who you swipe on dating apps?”
“Well, it’s a bit too late for that. No. My advice is to go to Trattoria Romana while you can still afford it. Francesca makes the cannolis fresh in the apartment above the restaurant.”
***
Wow!
That was an awesome story.
Totally unexpected, totally different genre, totally different arena of interest for the reader.
It began with the very curious title.
The sub-title seemed innocuous.
The cannoli, and the way she had him going showed top drawer experience.
The unanswered question kept this exciting.
Integrating the thumb story was pure genius!
And once again, the prestige; just like Francesca's creation - a fantastic closing!
I've read a lot of your stories, Jimmy, and some are incredible.
This one is absolute pulchritude - definitely one of the greatest shorts ever.
Congratulations on a Mega WOW!
Adding this to my list of favorite stories you've written. Fun read!