18 Comments
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erniet's avatar

Great piece! As the product of a teen pregnancy (and at a time when that was socially unacceptable for my mom in particular) I can relate to this situation!

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

I never met my biological father. My mom was far from a teen, she was in her thirties but it was a one nighter.

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erniet's avatar

I didn’t meet mine until I was in my forties

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Patris's avatar

This is so brilliant, I hope it wasn’t painful.

We parent in different ways, child or not. Some wish they never knew their father.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

I was happy to have a good idea while vacationing. If they're painful they're also cathartic. In this case it was a bit emotional but not even close to painful.

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Patris's avatar

I’m glad.

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Daniel Henderson's avatar

This was great. Those last lines are really gonna stick with me. Thanks for this.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks Daniel. I love when the work has some shelf life

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Joe's avatar

Wow.

What a piece.

How many are drifting about not knowing or ever knowing their father?

How many will be thinking of graduation in eighteen years wondering if that's really their kid?

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks J/S

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Patty Mallett's avatar

Sad, but moving.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

Thanks

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Jim Graham's avatar

Happy Fathers Day

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

I think you'll be interested to know I spent part of it driving in I-75 through Dayton coming back from Kentucky

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Jim Graham's avatar

I’ve heard some pretty sad stories about Dayton going down hill.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

We didn't stop. The woman who interviewed me on the Ash and Bone Red Carpet was from Dayton. Kristen Lundberg. I think she's going to have a great career.

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Jonah Ogilwy's avatar

Hi Jimmy, this is re our coversation in notes about the value of criticism, so here goes:

You're a very skillful writer, obviously a pro. In this story, you have a concept (the boy doesn't know who his father is, the father wants to tell him) that engages the reader. As you explain this concept, you reveal the character of Bobby Erdkomer and the nature of the world that he inhabits and depict his dilemma. You do all that well, but you might fail to engage the reader due to the depressing nature of your fictional universe. In the universe of your story, characters have nothing more to aspire to than becoming pinball champion and having illegitimate children. So it isn't clear why it matters whether the boy knows who his father is or not. How will anything change in this dead-end town, how will anyone's life be better if the boy knows the truth? Maybe depicting Erdkommer’s loneliness and longing for connection might give the reader some hope and inject energy into the story.

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Jimmy Doom's avatar

That's absolutely a valid angle. The stakes should be higher for both characters, biological father and son. While I don't think the story should have a vast amount of hope, it could use a stated possibility of some. Thanks for hammering me on that by request.

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