Great piece! As the product of a teen pregnancy (and at a time when that was socially unacceptable for my mom in particular) I can relate to this situation!
I was happy to have a good idea while vacationing. If they're painful they're also cathartic. In this case it was a bit emotional but not even close to painful.
We didn't stop. The woman who interviewed me on the Ash and Bone Red Carpet was from Dayton. Kristen Lundberg. I think she's going to have a great career.
Hi Jimmy, this is re our coversation in notes about the value of criticism, so here goes:
You're a very skillful writer, obviously a pro. In this story, you have a concept (the boy doesn't know who his father is, the father wants to tell him) that engages the reader. As you explain this concept, you reveal the character of Bobby Erdkomer and the nature of the world that he inhabits and depict his dilemma. You do all that well, but you might fail to engage the reader due to the depressing nature of your fictional universe. In the universe of your story, characters have nothing more to aspire to than becoming pinball champion and having illegitimate children. So it isn't clear why it matters whether the boy knows who his father is or not. How will anything change in this dead-end town, how will anyone's life be better if the boy knows the truth? Maybe depicting Erdkommer’s loneliness and longing for connection might give the reader some hope and inject energy into the story.
That's absolutely a valid angle. The stakes should be higher for both characters, biological father and son. While I don't think the story should have a vast amount of hope, it could use a stated possibility of some. Thanks for hammering me on that by request.
Great piece! As the product of a teen pregnancy (and at a time when that was socially unacceptable for my mom in particular) I can relate to this situation!
I never met my biological father. My mom was far from a teen, she was in her thirties but it was a one nighter.
I didn’t meet mine until I was in my forties
This is so brilliant, I hope it wasn’t painful.
We parent in different ways, child or not. Some wish they never knew their father.
I was happy to have a good idea while vacationing. If they're painful they're also cathartic. In this case it was a bit emotional but not even close to painful.
I’m glad.
This was great. Those last lines are really gonna stick with me. Thanks for this.
Thanks Daniel. I love when the work has some shelf life
Wow.
What a piece.
How many are drifting about not knowing or ever knowing their father?
How many will be thinking of graduation in eighteen years wondering if that's really their kid?
Thanks J/S
Sad, but moving.
Thanks
Happy Fathers Day
I think you'll be interested to know I spent part of it driving in I-75 through Dayton coming back from Kentucky
I’ve heard some pretty sad stories about Dayton going down hill.
We didn't stop. The woman who interviewed me on the Ash and Bone Red Carpet was from Dayton. Kristen Lundberg. I think she's going to have a great career.
Hi Jimmy, this is re our coversation in notes about the value of criticism, so here goes:
You're a very skillful writer, obviously a pro. In this story, you have a concept (the boy doesn't know who his father is, the father wants to tell him) that engages the reader. As you explain this concept, you reveal the character of Bobby Erdkomer and the nature of the world that he inhabits and depict his dilemma. You do all that well, but you might fail to engage the reader due to the depressing nature of your fictional universe. In the universe of your story, characters have nothing more to aspire to than becoming pinball champion and having illegitimate children. So it isn't clear why it matters whether the boy knows who his father is or not. How will anything change in this dead-end town, how will anyone's life be better if the boy knows the truth? Maybe depicting Erdkommer’s loneliness and longing for connection might give the reader some hope and inject energy into the story.
That's absolutely a valid angle. The stakes should be higher for both characters, biological father and son. While I don't think the story should have a vast amount of hope, it could use a stated possibility of some. Thanks for hammering me on that by request.